I told my mom today that we wouldn't be keeping the baby. She seemed really sad at first, and called me back later to tell me that she understands why and that unfortunately, it does seem like the only option.

I spent most of the day crying.

I looked up picture of what sophie looks like right now, inside of me. At first I named her sophia, which means wise, a name i had always loved. but sophie just seemed right and thats what i was calling her now. I cried harder as i looked at her little eyes, arms, legs, realized that her heart is beating inside of me and she has all of her organs. In one more month, I'd be able to feel her moving inside of me. I'm sorry, I told her, through tears. I am so, so sorry for what I am going to do to you. I hope you can forgive me.