I woke up yesterday morning and immeditely threw up, then I had chills, horrible chills. I took some medicine and went back to bed, bundled up in a couple of layers of clothes and a down blanket. My apartment is the kind where you cant control the heat, its usually a sweat shop.
i knew something was really wrong.
so i called my mom, because at times like this, she has always known best!
we booked a train ticket for me to go back home, to go back to the hospital where I had the wonderful OB care two weeks ago.

I packed the smallest suitcase I could, and barely made it back on the train.
I was in pain, I had to lift and walk, and I was traveling during the Christmas/Holiday rush.
Not fun, really.

I spent the entire night in the hospital.
First the midwife comes in, and wants to examine me.
We had to fight with her a bit to explain that THREE doctors had already done so and said I felt perfectly alright. and that it was HORRIBLY PAINFUL for me on top of that.
After conversing with the OB on call, and after much pressure from my mom and I, they decided to (FINALLY) do an ultrasound. They didnt want to give me anything by mouth though (and you need a full bladder to see everything the regular way) so they wanted to do an inter-vaginal ultrasound. Ouch I thought. The nurse took blood to be sure I was still pregnant (which I was) and that I wasnt showing signg of infection (which i wasnt thanks to the antibiotics) it took her two tries and the first one felt like she hit a nerve and required ice for an hour to calm it down. i was not happy.

I am wheeled down to ultrasound in a wheelchair by a nice guy about my age, who kept my mind off of the impending inter vaginal thing by telling me his hospital story of mono.
At this point I'd rather have mono. I am sick of being poked and prodded and touched and of people making my uterus even more unhappy then telling me i'm fine.

The ultra sound woman was very nice. i had to explain my situation (they we pissed my bladder wasnt full and no one told them why) they wanted me empty in case they had to operate.
My biggest fear.

It turns out, I find out as she is pressing the cold object on my right ovary, that she had an abortion when she was 17. She now has a husband, a great job and two young kids. It made me feel better to know that people get through this and live happy lives. It made me feel worse when she pushed on the cyst that had been causing a lot of my pain. She was able to get all of the pictures she needed without going vaginal. Thank god for her kindness and compassion and understanding. At times like these you need it the most, and I wasnt getting it from the nurse and midwife where I had just come from. They wanted to examine me, tell me I was fine and send me home. I wanted visual proof there was nothing left inside of me because this was NOT going away as it should.

I am wheeled back to the room I had started out in, and the nurse looks at the report and takes my vitals again. They haven't told me yet, but it's at that moment I know I am going in for surgery. I wait about 10 minutes for the midwife to let the OB know the results and she comes in to tell me I am going to have a D&C, there was tissue left inside my uterus.

I am left alone in the room with my mom to wait while they arrange for the surgery. One doctor, one resident, one nurse in the operating room, two anesthieologists, and two recovery nurses.

I lay on the table shaking and crying. I know what its like to awaken from this. It hurts, and last time they didnt care. I cried out in pain, and they ignored me. I couldnt go through that again.

The doctors both come to meet with me before surgery. I wont let them examine me first, and i try to tell them i need to be reassured they will not allow me to suffer. when they dont listen to me my mom chimes in, and is chastised. one of the doctors wont listen to anything until he takes me to pre-op and puts an iv in me.

i am taken to pre op where they begin trying to insert the iv. i make them promise to put veresed in right away, to relax me, i've been through hours without pain meds and poked many times by a nurse who didnt know what she was doing. i couldnt take it anymore, knock me out already!

fifteen minutes and two shots of novicaine later we have an iv, in my arm. and versed. thank god. they wheel me into the actual operating room and put me on the table. my arms go out to my sides, my head goes back and an oxygen mask goes over my face. there are no stirrups, no trash can. i am silently thankful.

I wake up in a comfortable bed with two nurses staring at me. one of the anesthtiologists is walking around too. i cry out in pain and the shoot me up with fentonil, which does absolutely nothing to touch the cramps i am having. two more shots later and i am still crying in extreme pain. the nurses look at each other in awe, and get me two percocets. they put a warm blanket on my stomach and check my pad. In about 40 minutes all of the medicine has kicked in and my pain had gone from 12 (on a scale of 1-10) to a 4. I am ready to be wheeled upstairs.

They take me to a regular hospital room, where I see my mom and lay for a bit. I beg for the iv to come out, i cant stand needles in my arm. as soon as i can pee, i can go home. It is now 3.30 a,m. i pee, they take out the iv, and i walk out of the hospital.

I spent the next four days on my moms couch. i didnt leave her house until christmas day eve, we went and had chinese at the only place that was open. I spent christmas without anyone but my mom, and didnt celebrate at all. but i knew inside that this operation had taken care of it.
i prayed.